Conan O'Brien

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.

amazing


Conan O'Brien

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.

best


Conan O'Brien

Keep cool my babies.

cool


Conan O'Brien

Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen.

dating


Conan O'Brien

There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.

fear


Conan O'Brien

The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army.

government


Conan O'Brien

Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me.

graduation


Conan O'Brien

I have an abacus at home.

home


Conan O'Brien

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.

life


Conan O'Brien

During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage.

marriage


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