It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.