Phyllis Diller

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home

children


Phyllis Diller

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

age


Phyllis Diller

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

age


Phyllis Diller

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

anger


Phyllis Diller

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.

anger


Phyllis Diller

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.

business


Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

funny


Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

funny


Phyllis Diller

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

funny


Phyllis Diller

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.

good


Phyllis Diller

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

home


Phyllis Diller

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

home


Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

men


Phyllis Diller

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

money


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