Woody Allen

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

funny


Woody Allen

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

funny


Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

god


Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

god


Woody Allen

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

god


Woody Allen

To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

god


Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

god


Woody Allen

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

good


Woody Allen

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

good


Woody Allen

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

good


Woody Allen

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

government


Woody Allen

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

great


Woody Allen

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

home


Woody Allen

Marriage is the death of hope.

hope


Woody Allen

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

life


Woody Allen

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

love


Woody Allen

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

marriage


Woody Allen

Marriage is the death of hope.

marriage


Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

money


Woody Allen

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.

money


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