Robert Benchley

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

funny

Robert Benchley

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

humor

Robert Benchley

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

death

Robert Benchley

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.

family

Robert Benchley

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

family

Robert Benchley

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

famous

Robert Benchley

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

funny

Robert Benchley

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

funny

Robert Benchley

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.

funny

Robert Benchley

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

funny

Robert Benchley

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

great

Robert Benchley

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.

humor