Popular Quotes from Great Minds | GroupsDaddy

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People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Albert Einstein

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

Rodney Dangerfield

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

Winston Churchill

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.

Richard Dawkins

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Laurence J. Peter

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Rodney Dangerfield

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Laurence J. Peter

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

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