Destroy my desires, eradicate my ideas, show me something better, and I will follow you.
A fool with a heart and no sense is just as unhappy as a fool with sense and no heart.
If he's honest, he'll steal; if he's human, he'll murder; if he's faithful, he'll deceive.
The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.
If someone proved to me that Christ is outside the truth, and that in reality the truth were outside of Christ, then I should prefer to remain with Christ rather than with the truth.
What do you think, would not one tiny crime be wiped out by thousands of good deeds?
Every ant knows the formula of its ant-hill, every bee knows the formula of its beehive. They know it in their own way, not in our way. Only humankind does not know its own formula.
Grown-up people do not know that a child can give exceedingly good advice even in the most difficult case.
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us.
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.
All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
An American Monkey after getting drunk on Brandy would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.
Besides love and sympathy, animals exhibit other qualities connected with the social instincts which in us would be called moral.
I do not know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together.
In the long history of humankind (and animal kind, too) those who learned to collaborate and improvise most effectively have prevailed.
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.
Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninetyseven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
My advice is to never do tomorrow what you can do today. Procrastination is the thief of time.
Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
I do not know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together.
I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.