She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
Someone once asked me if my dream was to live on in the hearts of my people, and I said I would like to live on in my apartment.
Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.
The difference between death and taxes is death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.
Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsense of those who think they talk sense.
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.
The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.